What a day

On this day…On Jan. 25, 1915, the inventor of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell, inaugurated U.S. transcontinental telephone service. Bah! Humbug! What a disaster he caused with his invention. A tool of the Devil! All civil discourse was eliminated because of his invention. A pox upon him!

Now that you know what I think of telephones, I need some help in buying one. We have an odd assortment of phones in the house; a wireless set of two that is completely useless. Two cheap ones that work are in our study, a pricey one that always needs batteries is in the kitchen, one in the garage, one in the bedroom and one in the TV room. That’s 8 phones! And that doesn’t include our two cell phones; also useless.

I guess we have bad karma when it comes to phones as we have bought cheap and we have bought pricey. It doesn’t seem to matter. The phones know! And they quickly fail once they reach our house.

So we’re looking for someone to buy a 2 or 3 phone wireless phone system for us…we’ll even provide the cash up front. But we can’t be directly involved in the purchase or the phones will know.

We need reliable phones that re-charge in a minute and won’t be upset if one of us turns on the microwave while the phone is being used. We need ones that provide intelligible sound with volume control. And the system needs to include an answering machine. They also need buttons that are approximately the same size as fingertips; big fingertips...my fingertips. Is this too much to ask?

On an entirely different note; I have safely made it through a day in the colonoscopy factory. Believe me; the word “factory” is appropriately used in describing the North Valley Endoscopy clinic in Chico. My appointment had already been set back by about an hour and when I arrived it was quickly apparent that there were more delays. Trouble on the assembly line! I had been told that there were 8 or 9 patients ahead of me and more were on the way. I started doing the math and came up with this; 8 patients @ $3,000 each = $24,000, and that’s before noon. Maybe another 6 patients after noon would make that a $42,000 day. 5 days a week gives a total of $210,000. Let’s use 50 weeks a year and the total is now $10,500,000. I don’t think these three doctors, the owners/operators, are worried about their retirement portfolios.

As for the preparation beforehand and procedure itself, it’s a piece of cake. It’s vastly overrated. The staff was great; the doctor…not. As I was being unhooked from my monitors, I was handed a small piece of paper that stated all was well for now; that I should return in 10 years and it was signed (electronically) by a Doctor Pearce. That’s it? No face to face and no question and answer time afterwards? For that kind of money you would think you could get his attention for a bedside chat.

So why did I go through this hassle? Well, it was recommended (strongly) by our family doctor and most health care sources will tell you that you should have a screening colonoscopy after the age of 50. (I have definitely passed the 50 mark) And we did it because we could. Our insurance will pay for most of this. Last, because my dear friend, Frank Tucker, died from colon cancer and his death is always on my mind. (Frank was only in his 40’s when he died) That should have been the first reason and not the last, but I’m not always that smart.

But, what if you don’t have insurance? Or what if your insurance pays only a small fraction of that amount ($3,000)? Do you do the right thing and save your money until you have the entrance fee to the “factory”? Or do you just shrug it off and pass on it for now? Maybe next year.

So I want to know which came first, the high cost of the procedure? Or the high cost of insurance? Or…is there some collusion between doctors and insurance companies? Insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies? Heaven forbid!

Bottom line...if you're close to 50 or over 50 and you have insurance, you should do it and make an appointment at your local factory.

And last...A personal note; Judy was the admitting nurse and she was perfect for the job. Very personable and chatty. She really put you at ease in an atmosphere that was pretty much clinical and cold. Remember, it’s a factory. She started the IV with a minimum of fuss and very little pain. But she had one bad habit… when I was in Hospital Corps School, one of the things we were told to never do was to use the patient as a desk. And Judy did. I had papers, equipment and charts from my toes to just under my chin.